Half Lives
by lovelyenigma
Summary: Bella&Edward were childhood sweethearts. He left, and she tried to carry on living. With dark pasts, come dark secrets. Can love battle through the pain? R&R!BxE,OOC
1. Prologue

_**A/N: **_**Hello! I've finally plucked up the courage to put this new fic on fanfiction. **

**A couple of things:**

**1)This fic will be mainly told from BPOV. Although, I may try and fit some EPOV chapters in, if the story goes to plan.**

**2)The story will be told in the time-frame that this chapter is in. The prologue is set in modern-day.**

**3)I'm so excited about this, so please enjoy, and tell me what you think!**

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What happens when your reason for existing, your light in the darkness, doesn't want you anymore?

Nothing. That's what happens. Since _he_ left, my life has been hollow. Empty. _Nothing_.

I figured after six years that the pain would dissipate; that I would be able to feel again. No such luck. There's a bitter side of my brain that expected this. '_Too good for you_' she sneers, and now, I'm starting to believe it. Edward Anthony Cullen. My best friend, my soul mate... I could go on. After _six_ years everyone expects me to get over him. But no one truly understands. Ignorant fuckers.

Charlie, my futile and unexpressive father, believes I should have started living my life by now...

_"You're 23! For God's sake, Isabella, pull yourself together. Why waste your life because he left?"_

I can almost hear his constant remarks now, here in the isolated back garden of the Cullen home. _Home? A home is something you belong to. And Edward obviously doesn't feel like he belongs back here._

I come here about three times a week. Sad, really. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. _Let me fuck my own life up if I want to. _

I still live at home with Charlie, paying rent to him through feeding his fucking stomach. Living at home, at the age of 22... All of my 'friends' now have life partners, or children in their bellies. They have stable, secure jobs, and a home of their own. The only thing that I truly own is myself. My mind. And the closest thing to a job that I have is the small income that I receive writing poetry for the Seattle Times newspaper. I write pointless, depressive, waste-of-time, verses. They get me nowhere, but I earn money for my feelings, so why the fuck not.

I pick myself up off the damp, green grass, looking up at the huge, white house and admiring it's splendour. The Cullens still technically own it, so it has been sitting unoccupied for six years. Of course, the Cullens can afford owning such a large house. Carlisle, Edward's strict, Republican father, works in politics, doing God-knows-what. Some boring job that nobody cares less about. He was the reason Edward '_had to_' move, and I guess the reason why he never got in contact, and forgot it all. I guess I could blame it all on him. _Look what you've done to me._ But having someone to blame does not take away the problems.

_I need to stop coming here._ I tell myself, as I take myself back to my decaying, orange, battle hero of a truck – the one thing that has actually remained intact these past six years. I jump in, turning up the air conditioning on full, and welcoming the artificial breeze. _It's September, why isn't it fucking raining already?_ I vehemently murmur inside my head.

Forks in Washington, is virtually a rain cloud. No matter what month, you can bet your ass that you're going to get pissed on by rain. The heat today was unwelcomed; I wanted the weather to reflect how I was feeling, rather than pose as a cruel mockery.

I checked my watch – 6:30pm. I was early, but what would it matter. I wrenched the truck into gear, and drove until I entered the small Quileute reservation that I had become so accustomed to. The place was steeped in history; the Quileutes were a tribe that were sort of stuck in the past, but I respected them for it. Anyway, the closest thing I could call a friend, a companion, a buddy, _whatever - _was part of the Quileute tribe.

"Oh, who am I kidding..." I spoke out loud.

Jacob Black. He wasn't my friend, he was a booty call. I've known him all my life, but any chance of friendship dissipated when I chose to become a recluse. Now, he was probably the only person crazy enough to scratch my itch. He was sporty, fun, often spontaneous. _A perfect boyfriend, but not for me._

As I pulled up to his small, red house, I noticed something. It chilled me to the bone, and I could feel the tears slipping down my cheek. Today was September 13th 2008. My birthday. I had grown a year older without realising it. Suddenly 23 years seemed a shocking amount.

I wrenched the rusty door open, sending flecks of faded orange paint flying. _Keep calm. Keep calm._ I can do this. I tell myself this every single time I appear at Jake's door. Somehow it feels like I am selling my soul, wasting my life, ruining my chances. Yet I knew happiness wasn't on the agenda for me. Not anymore.

Jacob opened the door before I had the chance to knock. "Hey beautiful." His deep voice was soothing... attractive. He tugged on my hand, leading me inside.

The sitting room was small; the flat screen TV took up one whole side of the room, and there was only enough room left to fit a couch and a coffee table in. Two glasses of wine had been poured, and I took a glass. I raised the dark liquid to my lips, relishing in its sweet yet bitter taste. I downed the glass in one mouthful.

Jacob's handsome face looked amused. I guess he was sort of handsome. He had cropped jet black hair, warm brown eyes, a ridiculously muscular body, and russet coloured skin...Which left me to ask myself why he was single. _Who cares..._She was winning again. The bitter side of my brain.

"Eager, are we?" Jacob asked with a chuckle, and a suggestive grin.

"I guess. It's been a hard day." It had. But for different reasons...

"This is for you." Jacob spoke alluringly, holding a small wrapped box out to me. He winked.

A gift... Not even Charlie, my own father, had bought me a gift today. He respected my wishes not to acknowledge this day.

"Jacob, what is this?" I asked bluntly, crossing my arms over my chest. I told him one year ago, when we first slept together... "_I want no strings attached, no bullshit, and no romance."_ This is exactly what I would call bullshitty-romance-gift giving.

He sighed, his face becoming irritated, as he dropped the gift onto the couch, and took his glass of wine. He was over a year younger than me, 21, yet he was mature beyond his years. His eyes were full of wisdom, I guess.

"Okay." He finished his glass of wine, taking my glass from my hand, and then retreated to the kitchen. "But one day you'll stop shutting me out, Swan, I just know it." I laughed bitterly, louder than intended, which caused him to re-enter the room.

He came to stand an inch in front of me. I could feel his warm breath on mine, causing my skin to tingle. "Just sex?" He whispered to me.

"Uh huh..." I sighed, licking my lips.

Jacob leant in, his lips coming dangerously close to mine. "Happy Birthday, Isabella." His lips came crashing down to mine, and his tongue attacked mine with haste. Several things happened at once.

Mentally, I was awakening. Memories came flooding back – soft lips, slightly cold, bronze hair, pallid skin, tender kisses, soft caresses, ghostly laughter, a mouth-watering scent, jade green eyes, piercing my soul..._Edward..._

"NO!" I screamed, physically pushing him back. "What the FUCK, Jacob? I told you. Never kiss me. Do you realise what you've just done?" I kept pounding his firm chest with my fist. "You've ruined it! Jesus...! I fucking thought you understood! You know what? We're done here." Tears were threatening to spill down my face. I ran to the door, wrenching it open, and ran down to my truck. _He's ruined it...He's ruined it..._

I was still in a state of panic. Panic, and disgust. Disgust and pain. I drove and drove until I felt completely helpless. Finally, I came to a deserted road, and pulled up to the side, gasping for breath.

I was breaking down. And _he_ was everywhere. I could remember the decibels of his voice, his smell, his_ taste..._ Tears were relentlessly cascading down my red cheeks now, and hysterical sobs were erupting from my chest. '_Happy fucking Birthday_' the bitter bitch sneered.

I was 23. I was probably half schizophrenic by now, and I was selling my soul on a day to day basis as I lived a life of nothingness. _I'm a fucking joke. I bet people would pay to see me fuck up my life, it's that fucking hilarious._

From nowhere, a line from one of my poems arose out of my inner turmoil. It was the first poem I wrote after Edward left. I heard him, soft and delicate, Edward's voice quoting it...

"_Defenceless, broken, yet ignorance is bliss,  
I would kill for a chance of not knowing what I miss."_

Blackness overtook me, and I was drowning in self-sorrow.

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**_So, what did you all think? _**

**_Remember to REVIEW. Tell me your thoughts._**

**_-Luce xo_**


	2. My Everything

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the rights to Twilight, I simply just play around with the plot.

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**_A/N: _Hello there! I'm back with Chapter 1. I was deeply humbled and astonished by the reception that the Prologue received, so I thought I'd give you lovely people a biggggg chapter to read. **

**This chapter is BACK IN TIME, back when Bella&Edward were together. **

**I do not currently have a beta reader checking/editing my work. If there's any mistakes concerning grammar/spelling, I apologise. If anyone fancies taking up the job of being a beta for this story, feel free to message me on my profile. **

**Enjoy Chapter 1!**

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_Six years previous_.

Moving to Forks was the best decision I have ever made. Moving away from the oppressive heat of Phoenix was a blessing in itself, yet meeting the love of my life made me forget what I was leaving behind in Arizona.

Ever since my Mom decided that her new husband was more important than her daughter, I've lived in Forks with my Dad, Charlie. Living with Charlie is like living alone; he keeps himself to himself and doesn't meddle in my affairs. He does have his moments where he acts like a father, but most of the time I'm left to my own devices. I think he's still in love with my Mom, and that I remind him too much of her. Regardless, he gives me a place to stay.

As I sit in my small bedroom, I anxiously check the time. It's 4.40pm. _20 minutes until I see Edward..._I chant meticulously to myself.

Edward; the only person I can trust with anything. Edward and I began as childhood best friends when I came to Forks when I was 8 years old. He lives in the huge stone-washed manor that was built to accommodate his large family, just across the road from me. When I arrived at Forks, his Mom, Esme, pushed him to come and greet me. I can still remember his nervous smile, and his bright green eyes that were full of curiosity. We've been inseparable ever since, yet it was only last year, when we were both 16, that I developed feelings for him. I've figured I've been in love with him since the day he knocked on my door.

Edward and I were not complicated. We just...fit.

Edward was always better off than me, money wise. His father worked in politics, and wanted to become a Senator or something. Edward would always be dressed in expensive clothes, and would have expensive toys. Of course, he used his excess pocket money to buy me little gifts – _"We're equals, Bella. What's mine is yours." _

Edward was the school quarterback and he lived for football; he was popular, insanely attractive, and every girl lusted after him. Of course, I felt unworthy at times. I was head of Forks High School's newspaper, with a small group of friends and mousy-brown hair that was unruly at the best of times. I knew that we didn't look like we were supposed to be together, yet we were connected by something that was beyond us both.

Edward has football practise every night now, until about 5. He comes straight to my house after his practise, and we sit and complain about our day.

_20 minutes until I see Edward. 20 minutes._ Even after nine years of knowing him, I still smile knowing that I'm going to see him. Pathetic? Maybe.

I decided to give up on my math homework, and went downstairs to make Edward a snack, ready for when he comes over. Charlie usually doesn't come home until after 6.30pm. He expects his dinner ready for him. It's just lucky that I can actually cook; otherwise Charlie would have gone hungry for a while now.

I pulled the cheese and bread out of the refrigerator; grilled cheese sandwiches were Edward's favourite. As I cooked the grilled cheese, my mind wandered to the future. I wanted to become a journalist. Or maybe an author. Edward wanted to be a doctor, although Carlisle, his father, kept pushing Edward towards politics and also business. I remember on countless occasions when I was at Edward's, sitting under his father's disapproving stare, and Carlisle would tell Edward that 'politics is a notable career choice' and that he could do so much better than medicine. I disagreed. Edward's heart was pure, and saving lives was something that would come naturally to him.

"_Shit!"_ My hand was red and sore where I had placed it down on the hob, effectively bringing me out of my thoughts. My clumsiness would kill me one day.

I set the table for Edward, and put the grilled cheese on a plate for him. There was nothing left to do. I decided to go and watch some pointless TV drama whilst I waited for Edward.

Edward finally arrived, at 5pm on the dot. I wrenched open the door to see him waiting in the pouring rain. His bronze hair was dishevelled, and his green eyes glistened as they had the first day I met him.

"I missed you." I pulled myself up to him, and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. A rush of feelings always overtook me when I saw him, and I was always alive in his presence. He returned the kiss forcefully, claiming my lips in his. Rain streamed down both of our faces, and pooled at our lips, yet I hardly noticed it. My hands were lost in his hair, and his were slowly caressing my back. Edward finally broke the kiss, and pulled me inside.

"You would think that after seeing me for a full day that you would get sick of me." Edward smirked as we sat down on the couch, his arm around my shoulders.

"Yeah, maybe you're right. But I know I'm never going to get sick of you." I returned with a smile.

Edward held my eyes with a greedy stare. He was then on top of me, pinning me to the couch. "Isabella Swan, you're amazing." He peppered my face with kisses.

I found his lips, and connected them with mine. Nothing else mattered at this moment. Not the fact that my math homework was due tomorrow, or the fact that I was soaked head to toe. Just Edward.

His hands found their way under my top, and he slowly moved upward. Of course, I knew that we wouldn't exactly be going any further, even if Charlie wasn't coming home for another hour. Edward was...traditional. Of course, we had done everything except full sex, but he wanted it to be 'special'. As much as I objected, he persisted.

Edward eventually released me, and we both got up and sat in the kitchen, waiting for Charlie to come home. Edward wolfed down his grilled cheese, much to my look of disapproval.

"What?" He spoke, grilled cheese all but falling out of his mouth. "You know I love your cooking." I smiled at him, and gave him a swift peck on the cheek. A flash of headlights lit up the kitchen. Charlie was home. _Great..._

Charlie was sure that we were always up to no good, and he managed to remind me on a daily basis that if I got pregnant, he wouldn't be supporting me. I ignored him most of the time.

"Hi Dad." I ran from the kitchen, as I went and opened the door. "Good day at work?"

Charlie replied with a grunt, which was probably all I was going to get out of him tonight. I heated up some leftovers for him, and left him to it. I spent the next hour talking to Edward, until he had to go home at 7pm.

I woke up the next morning to a headache, and a sore throat. Charlie allowed me to stay at home, and brought me up a cup of tea before he left for work. I texted Edward, telling him not to pick me up for school.

I fell back to sleep, finding myself strangely tired. I woke up two hours later to find Edward's mother in my room, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Esme?" I croaked.

"Try not to talk, dear. You'll make your throat worse. Here," she passed me a bowl of soup, "eat this."

Esme was probably the closest thing to a mother I had at the moment. Renee dropped me the odd text message to check up, but did not do much else. Esme was a nurturer, and took any opportunity she could to nurse people.

I did what she asked. "Wait, how did you know I was at home?" I asked her.

"Edward rang me, and told me to take you some soup. You know how he worries." That's true. Edward is a world-class worrier. "Anyway, he told me to tell you that he'll see you at 5pm, as usual."

Esme eventually left, after I assured her that I wasn't dying or anything close, and Edward came at his usual time. I felt well enough to come downstairs to greet him, and he tried his best to make me something to eat; Edward wasn't exactly a culinary expert.

Edward seemed agitated; he was running his hands through his hair more than usual, and his usual cheery grin was non-existent.

"Edward?" I snuggled in closer to him, "Come on, what's bothering you?"

He sighed. "It's..." Edward seemed hesitant. "It's my father. He's been acting strange lately." I gave Edward a look. Carlisle was always strange. He was always uptight, always cautious. "Fine, stranger than usual. I think he's up to something."

"I wouldn't worry too much, Eddie." I laughed. Edward grimaced; he hated that nickname. "You know what Carlisle's like. He's probably planning a huge family holiday or some shit like that."

Edward had two older brothers. Emmett was 19, and was in his first year of college, and Jasper, who was a year older than us, and was graduating from Forks High this year. Jazz and Em were like brothers to me.

Edward shook his head. "No, I don't think so. Whatever it is that he's hiding, it's nothing good. Jasper's noticed it too." I could tell by Edward's tone that he was genuinely worried.

I hugged him tighter. Whatever was going on at home, Edward was scared, and I was going to try my best to help him through it.

Edward turned the attention back to me. "How are you feeling anyway? You missed Mike and Jessica's very public break-up in school." Edward laughed. Mike and Jess were two of our friends in our group at school. They were constantly hooking up, and then breaking it off a couple of weeks later. Of course, the whole school gets an earful, as they choose lunch-times to have a shouting match. Edward continued to talk about his day at school, and filled me in with what lessons I missed.

Edward left before Charlie arrived home this time, which was strange. Whatever was going on back at the Cullen house, it wasn't a normal family dispute.

That night, I awoke from a disturbing dream. Carlisle Cullen's eyes were hard and cold. Whether it was the effects of the flu medicine screwing up my brain or the vivid image from my dream, the feeling of dread was inescapable.

I woke up bright and early the next morning with a grin on my face. Despite the rather disturbing dream I had the night before, I was determined that today was going to be good. _Thank GOD it's Friday..._

Charlie was heading out of the door as I all but skipped down the stairs.

"Someone's happy today then. I hope this has nothing to do with me going away this weekend." Charlie gave me a look. As a matter of fact, he was right. Charlie was going out of town this weekend, and tonight I was throwing a party. One hell of a party.

"Oh, you know, it's Friday..." I said dismissively.

"Huh." Charlie grunted. "Well, be good this weekend. And I'll know if Edward spends the night, so don't even think about it."

_Shit._ I'm sure he has hired people to spy on me this weekend.

"Uh huh..." I poured myself a glass of juice. "Okay, Dad. Have a good trip." Charlie shut the door, and drove out of the driveway.

My day at school flew over. I met Edward in the parking lot, and after a morning of lessons together, we ate lunch with our usual crowd of people. Jessica and Mike were no longer on speaking terms, and the tension was thick. I decided to bring up the party to lighten the mood.

"So, guys." I addressed the rather large group sitting round the table; Mike, Jess, Angela, Tyler, Lauren, Tanya, Ben, Vicky and James. "I hope you're all going to come tonight? Remember to bring your own booze." I said with a smile. I intended to get fully plastered tonight.

James snickered. "Don't worry, Swan. We'll be there." His mouth curled into a seductive smile, and I could feel Edward tensing up beside me. Edward was sure that James was up to no good, but I've always thought Jamie was fun. A little psycho, sure, but fun.

After an afternoon of double history, I was ready to find a pretty tall building and jump off of it. After being lectured on the failures of Roosevelt's New Deal for two full hours, I'm sure anyone would be brain-dead.

Edward drove me home; he had gotten a ride in with Tyler, and so he drove my truck back home with me. He was quiet in the car, and frankly it unnerved me. As we pulled up to my front door, I decided to break the ice.

"Edward, spill. What's bothering you?" I stroked his forearm.

He sighed. "Just thinking about my Dad. We had another fight last night. He keeps threatening to move us away. It's driving my Mom crazy." Edward's eyes were full of an ancient sadness. I knew that this was not the first time that Carlisle had threatened such a thing.

I pulled his face to mine, stretching across to him in the small confines of my truck. I kissed his lips delicately.

"It'll be okay, Eddie." I was trying to soothe him. "It was just a meaningless threat. Carlisle will never take you away from me."

I saw a genuine smile adorn his face.

"I love you, Bella." Edward whispered, stroking my cheek.

"I love you too. More than you know." I whispered back, capturing his lips with mine once more.

"So we've got the food sorted, the alcohol sorted, all the valuables locked away...What else is there?" I asked Angela. It was exactly one hour before my party was about to start, and Angela had come over early to help me prepare.

"You're the only thing left, Bella. You're not even dressed yet!" Angela shook her head. Ange appeared shy and innocent at first glance, yet she really was just as feisty and lively as the rest of our group. She was my best friend.

"I will, I will. Why do I have to get dressed up anyway? It _is_ my house party..." I complained. Angela was dressed in a tight strapless black dress that stopped mid-thigh. She had black stilettos on, and her eyes glistened with black sparkles.

Angela tutted at me. "Bella, if you don't go upstairs, and put on what I've laid out for you, I'll kick your ass." Yeah, Angela wasn't one to mess with. I reluctantly made my way upstairs to my room, whilst Angela sorted out the punch.

On my bed was a red dress. And not just any red dress. Angela had the most amazing wardrobe, and I had lusted after her favourite dress for a while. It was now on my bed.

"ANGELA, I LOVE YOU!" I screamed to her downstairs. I heard her chuckle in response.

I hastily put on the dress. It was strapless, and made out of light chiffon. It hugged my curves, and emphasised my breasts perfectly. I felt a million dollars. I sweeped on some bright red lipstick, and put some nude, yet slightly glittery, eyeshadow on my lids, with a stroke of liquid eyeliner. I was ready.

At 8:30pm, my guests started to arrive. In fact, it seemed _everyone_ had arrived. Even people I had never seen before. Edward was not arriving for another hour, so I decided to go and socialise.

I saw Angela and Ben together on the couch, looking rather close. Jess and Mike were making out against a counter in the kitchen. _That fight lasted long..._

I smiled. Everyone seemed to be having a good time.

"BELLA!" Someone shouted at me. It was Jacob Black; my friend from La Push, the little Quileute reservation. "Come do shots with us." He had brought with him a group of tanned, muscular hotties.

"Oh...Why not." I told him. Before I knew it, I was sitting on my living room floor in a circle with all the La Push boys. A small cup full of pure vodka was placed in front of me. Jacob downed his shot, and shuddered.

"Nasty stuff. But it'll get you drunk easily enough."

I downed my shot. I almost convulsed. The vodka stung my throat, and warmed my insides on its way down.

"Another." I heard myself saying. Before I knew it, a fourth shot was placed in my hands.

And then I heard some familiar voices. Edward and Jasper, they were both already drunk.

"Bells!" Jasper shouted at me. I ran over to him, and joining him in a big hug.

I heard Edward groan behind me. "Someone's drunk..." He laughed. I gave him a kiss, and then ran off to sort out the music.

I decided to stick on some shitty dance selection that Jessica had brought. I swayed to the music, forgetting about the people around me. Suddenly, I felt arms circle around me from the back. Someone was swaying with me.

"Hey baby." Edward breathed into my ear. I could smell vodka and cigarette smoke on his breath.

"Mmm." I couldn't manage speech. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the general atmosphere, I was having the time of my life. Edward and I carried on dancing.

Edward left me after another hour, to go find Jasper. I decided to go socialise once more. James was sitting in the corner, a bottle of beer in his hand, and Vickie stuck to his lap. Mike was break dancing, much to the embarrassment of Jess, and Angela and Ben were missing.

I went into the kitchen, to pour myself another glass of punch. It was sickly sweet, and extraordinarily strong. After a couple of huge mouthfuls, I finished the glass.

"Easy there, tiger." It was Jacob. "You don't want to know what's in that punch...It's deadly." He grinned.

Jacob was fun, and so friendly. I had known him for ages.

"Oh, it's nothing I can't handle." I grinned back.

I spoke to soon. After another glass of the deadly-death-punch, I was swaying...and not due to the music. Arms wrapped around me once more.

I climbed the stairs, dragging Edward behind me.

I was in my room. Edward was there. The room was spinning. I was lying on my bed. Edward's frame pressed against mine. The red dress in a heap on the floor. Edward's clothes keeping it company.

Then pain. Then apprehension. Then ecstasy. I could feel every bit of Edward. I was drowning in honey...too sweet.

"I...love you." Edward sighed breathlessly. He softly grunted. I cried out.

I was seeing stars.

Edward clung to me, and I lost myself. Tears leaked from my eyes. I was lost in heaven.

He stroked my back. His cool hands soothing the warmth.

And then I was dreaming.

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A/N: _I really hope you liked this chapter. For me, I enjoyed writing it.**

**Okay, the ending. Feel free to hate me for it, but this was how I intended the ending to be. I wanted this milestone of their relationship to be blurred, you'll see why later on.**

**Please review, tell me what you think.**

**Until next time! **


	3. Last Train Home

**Disclaimer; I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does. **

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**_A/N:_ I'm back with another chapter for you! Yes, I know. I'm bad. I should have updated ages ago. BUTTTT..I've had a hectic two weeks. For example, I got into University! (claps for me). Yes. I'm going to study English Literature, and I can't wait. **

**Back to the story - this chapter's not as long as the last one. I want to give you gorgeous readers more chapters, so I'm going to keep the chapter length around 1500 words. Hope that isn't a problem, but PM me if it is.**

**I'm still looking for a beta reader - anyone up for the job? If so, again, PM me!**

**One last thing - a lot of people have put this story on alert etc. yet have not reviewed. I know, I know. I should stop badgering people about reviews...but it's just that I need to hear from you guys on whether or not I am actually doing a good job/bad job in terms of the story. **

**I'll stop talking now, and let you read it. **

**ENJOY.**

**-Luce.**

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**Chapter 2 - Last Train Home**

Soft fingers caressed my cheeks; so soft, and slightly cold. My eyes opened, and I saw a pair of green orbs looking back at mine.

Then it hit me. Realisation. Last night I lost my virginity. With Edward. We were...drunk. It had all gone so wrong.

"Edward..." I whispered, saddened. "I...last night...I'm sorry." Tears were threatening to spill over my sore eyes.

"Ssssh." He murmured, his fingers keeping a steady pace as they stroked my cheeks. "If anything, I'm sorry. Listen..." Edward sat up, drawing my attention to his flat, muscular chest. "Last night was amazing, even if it was...slightly blurred. I've just always wanted it to be perfect for you."

Thoughts were swimming around my mind, yet speech evaded me. Edward was worried about _me, w_hen really, I was to blame for this. I opened my mouth, yet a sudden surge of sickness stopped me.

"I've gotta..." I mumbled, my words coming out in a frantic haste. I ran to the bathroom, releasing the contents of last night's alcohol. I felt cold hands on my face, pulling back my hair. _Edward._ My eyes drifted as I felt strong arms lift me and place me back onto soft linen.

"_Listen, Jasper. I can't tell her. Not now. It'll destroy her." Edward's voice was distraught. I wanted to comfort him, yet his voice seemed far away and distant._

"_Edward, you have to. You have to break her heart...but she'll get over it. She's a strong girl, you know that." I heard a heavy sigh. _Jasper?_ I wanted to shout. I wanted to ask what the hell was going on. The conversation had a dreamlike quality, yet I couldn't distinguish the difference between what was reality and illusion. _

"_Break her heart..."_

I awoke with a start. My dream was foggy, and I could still taste the bile in my mouth from vomiting my guts up earlier on. It was dark outside. 8:00pm my clock told me. I was alone.

I got up, opening the door, and stepped out into the hallway.

"Edward?" I asked, hoping he was in the house somewhere. The silence confirmed his absence.

I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and then stood under the hot stream of the shower. I was confused about everything from the dream, to Edward's lack of presence. After I felt comfortably clean, and in a new pair of pyjamas, I picked up my cell phone and made my way downstairs.

I ate without knowing what I was eating. All I could think about was Edward. I needed to ring him, I decided.

I dialled his number from memory, and awaited his voice of velvet on the receiving end. _Ring...Ring...Ring..._Nothing.

"Fuck." I spoke out loud. I needed to know everything was okay between us. I frankly felt lost.

Suddenly, an idea came to me._ Ring Jasper._

"Hello?" He answered after the first ring.

"Is Edward with you?" I found myself shouting down the phone, my voice becoming hysterical.

Jasper was silent. I heard him sigh a familiar sigh.

"Edward's...out, with my Dad." He was hiding something. I knew it.

I tried to control my anger. Honest, I did. "JASPER, WHAT THE FUCK AREN'T YOU TELLING ME?"

And then he hung up.

I found myself running out of my front door and banging on the Cullen's door. I found myself face to face with hard features and white blond hair. Carlisle.

"Edward's busy." He spoke directly at me, completely nonchalant.

"Bullshit. Please, just let me see him." My voice sounded whiny. I was pathetic.

Carlisle turned around, and Edward took his place standing in the doorway. He looked...tired.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed his cheek. He smelt divine, as usual. His posture was tense, and this was unnatural.

"Edward..." I spoke, my face still muffled beneath his shoulder blade. "Tell me what's going on. Please..." I felt as if I was losing him.

"Take my hand." I did. He led me down his back garden, beneath the rows of Poplar trees that we used to play under. The night was black; no stars provided any light. I couldn't see what was in front of me, yet Edward continued to guide me down the garden, not saying a word. His silence scared me. Eventually, we came to a bench. Edward's garden was colossal and beautiful, yet at this moment, it was as unwelcoming as a labyrinth.

Edward wrapped his arms around me. "I'm here. I'm always here." His words were soft whispers against my neck.

"Then why do you sound like you're saying goodbye?" I whispered back into the darkness. I felt his arms tighten around me.

"My Dad and my Mom...They might be getting a divorce. It's going to be a hard time for us all. I just want you to know that whatever happens, I love you, and I'm not going anywhere." Edward's voice sounded pained. He leaned against me, needing my support as much as I needed his.

I didn't say anything back. I knew that my presence was enough for him. I understood his pain. I shared a similar one. The bench was small, but wide enough for us both to lie down, so that I was lying on his chest, and we were both looking up at the night sky.

A flicker of light; a shooting star shot across the sky. _I wish that Edward will always be happy. _

"Did you make a wish?" I whispered to him.

"No." He spoke, his tone frightening. "I don't believe in wishes anymore."

"Edward, you're supposed to turn the oven _on..._"

The day after Edward's chilling words to me in his back garden, he was back to his normal sense. He was cooking me lunch. Or attempting to anyway. Edward had come over at 10am this morning. I felt as if he was purposely being like this to make up for his strange behaviour yesterday.

He made me lasagne. Even though it was slightly undercooked, I ate it all, just to make him feel good.

We spent the rest of the day lounging around the house, watching movies. Finally, we watched Romeo and Juliet, a movie that was guaranteed to make me cry. Edward found my over-active tear ducts hilarious. At least he was laughing at something, even though that something was me.

Charlie was coming home late tonight from his trip. I had school tomorrow. I knew Edward would be leaving soon. I clung on to him, needing him to need me back. He returned my kisses, peppering his lips over my cheeks. We still hadn't talked about what had happened the other night..._that_ night. I was too scared to bring it up. Our relationship had been ripped from the bubble wrap. We were fragile.

Edward left early that night. I figured he wanted to sort out whatever shit was going on at home.

Charlie arrived at 9pm, with a red sunburnt face fresh from his fishing trip.

"Edward's not here? Maybe you kids can be trusted after all." Charlie's comment made me chuckle. _If only he knew._

"Well, Edward's got some problems at home. Have you heard anything about Mr and Mrs Cullen getting a divorce?" I asked Charlie. As Chief of Police, he usually hears things before anyone else does.

Charlie seemed hesitant to answer. His eyes shifted. "Bella, it's complicated. Carlisle is hoping to run for Senate in the Fall. It's gotta be putting a lot of stress on the family. I've heard rumours that Carlisle needs to move, and Esme isn't happy about it. Edward will be going through a lot I bet..."

With that, Charlie walked away and dropped himself on the couch for the night. I walked slowly up to my room, going over and over in my head what was just said.

_I've heard rumours that Carlisle needs to move..._

_Move._

So this is what's up with Edward. No way. No. Just. No.

I hadn't even thought about it when I found myself running out of the front door in my pyjamas, and then pounding my fist on the Cullens' front door.

This time, Jasper answered.

"Please, Bella. Don't cause a scene. We don't need any of this." He motioned towards me. My vision turned red.

"_Any of this?_ I'm trying to help you! All of you! Please, just tell me what is going on!" Tears were relentlessly pouring from my eyes. Damn, my tear ducts needed to calm the fuck down. "Jasper, we're friends right? Then tell me!"

Jasper took a step outside, and closed the door behind him.

"Come take a walk with me." He motioned towards the garden. The sense of déjà vu was sickening. The night was still as black as it was last night.

Jasper stopped, staring up at the black abyss above us.

"Bella...We're moving. To Seattle. It's going to make Dad happy, and our family need to stay together."

White noise. It was as if I couldn't hear, yet I knew perfectly what Jasper had spoken. They were moving. It was true. Yet I was still hopeful. This wasn't devastation.

"Jesus." I mumbled. "How often will you visit? I mean, you _will_ visit, won't you?" I was panicking. I know Edward wouldn't break up with me because of this – our love can pass through boundaries. Surely our love was worth it.

Jasper put both of his hands on my shoulders. "We will visit more times than you can count. Seriously, Bella. It will be as if we never left."

As I slept that night, all I could think of was Edward. I kept repeating to myself that Seattle was not that far away. We could manage. We _will _manage. Yet as the night wore on, and my thoughts were plaguing my mind, I questioned myself.

Seattle is like a different world. A world where our bubble-wrapped romance doesn't stand a chance.

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_**A/N - **_**So, what did you all think? Yes? No?**

**Review and tell me :)**

******Oh, and I've got several fic recs.**

**1) _The Last One Standing_ by _gillwayn - _**SUCH a good fic. I would know - I beta it! Check this out. It's angsty, and pretty heavy, but it's a good'un!

**2) _Fill My Little World _by _Hongkongphooey _**- Woah. Such a cute fic. Set in Britain, and it's just an adorable fic, and so well written. Check it out.

**There you go. **

**Until next time!**

**-Luce xo**


	4. Can't Catch Tomorrow

**_Disclaimer - Twilight and all it's characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. However, the plot of this story is completely my own. _**

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**_A/N: _Hey there! Sorry for the wait. This chapter required a lot of my time to get the plot right, as it is a pretty pivotal chapter. Also, not to mention that I've been ridiculously busy these past few weeks. Hope the wait wasn't too long ;D**

**In other news, I've found a beta! Thanks to lulu for beta'ing this chapter. She spotted a lot of obvious mistakes, so thanks again to her for looking over it :)**

**Enjoy the chapter! **

**-Luce xo**

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School days are always a long blur to me. Monday mornings are even worse. Edward picked me up, normal time, and was his usual chatty self. It was like nothing was wrong. Almost as if the weekend had never existed.

"Bella?" Edward drew my attention away from my thoughts. In fact, the whole of the math class was turned around staring at me.

Edward stroked my hand. "Are you okay, sweetie? You look faint."

I did feel faint. Yet I knew what the cause was. Was Edward really going to pretend nothing was wrong?

I shakily stood up. "I...need some air." I barely made it out of the class and out of the front doors before collapsing against the nearest wall. I sunk down to the ground, and pulled my knees up close to me. Closing my eyes, I did my best to calm myself down. A task that seemed impossible. Edward was going to leave, and he hasn't even attempted to talk to me about it. Nothing.

Footsteps alerted me to his presence. "What's happening?" Edward knelt down next to me.

I tried to contain the outburst that I knew was about to come out. My explosive mouth was a liability.

"You know what's happening." I spoke out loud, not realising that my tone was laced with venom. "You're really moving away. Just when were you going to tell me? Five minutes before you were actually leaving? Or maybe not even then. Maybe I'd find out from Charlie, after realising that your house was deserted." Explosive mouth syndrome...

Edward took my hands. "I didn't want you to worry. Or think that I was leaving you... because I'm not. I'll always be here for you, always. Please don't tell me this is what's causing _this..._" He motioned towards my form, huddled on the ground.

"Seriously, Edward?" My anger was seeping through, and I was fighting a losing battle against my mouth... "You _didn't want me to worry_? What else do you think I'll do?Go and celebrate? Throw you a fucktastic leaving party?" I pushed myself off the ground. "You say you'll always be here for me," I spoke in a softer tone, "yet you can't be. You'll be in Seattle."

I walked away back to class.

...-...

The ride home was a quiet affair. I guess me and Edward weren't speaking now. The silence was aggravating. As we pulled up onto the drive, Edward cut the engine.

"We need to talk."

I sighed. I knew this was coming.

"Bella, you have to stop shutting me out all the time. Just...tell me what you're really thinking. Starting now." Edward's tone was insistent.

_Fine. I'll tell him._ "You think that you moving away doesn't mean anything, but it does. Your life will be different. My life will be different...And now we're having this _chat_, we need to talk about Friday night. You've been keeping pretty quiet about it. We both lost our virginity that night, Edward. We can't take that back." Edward stiffened in his seat.

"Friday night was a drunken mistake." He whispered, almost as if he was talking to himself.

_A drunken mistake..._ Tears were forming fresh. I wrenched open the car door, determined to cut this conversation short.

"Bella!" He was shouting now. Keep walking. Keep walking. _Where the fuck are my front door keys?_ "Jesus, what's gotten into you? I didn't mean it like that, and you know it." _Gotcha. _I opened the front door, and wasdetermined not to hear it.

"Stop ignoring me, for fuck's sake." I felt my arm being wrenched, and Edward pulled me directly in front of him.

I was relentlessly crying now. No point holding it in.

"I love you. That's never going to change. So please, stop deluding yourself. What I meant, before you played the drama card back there, was that Friday night _was_ a mistake. I intended for it to be romantic, and completely centred on you. But alcohol took over instead. So I'm sorry." Pain flashed across the planes of his face.

I understood. Damn my theatrics...

I'm such a bitch sometimes. "I'm sorry too. For not listening to you...and then ignoring you." I wrapped my arms around him. I felt his lips press against my hair. Tears were still pouring down my cheeks.

"Wh-When do you..." I tried to choke the word out. "Leave?" I rubbed my tear-stained cheeks in the nook beneath his shoulder blade.

Edward sighed. "Next Friday."

...-...

My dreams were full of endings and beginnings. Light and darkness. Happiness and loss. The strange thing was that I could not separate them. They were laced together, part of the same string. Especially the happiness and loss.

The next morning, I woke up feeling groggy. I was restless. I splashed cold water over my face, in a poor effort to wake me up. Charlie had left me a cup of tea out on the counter that was still hot when I got downstairs. His random acts of kindness were, of course, random, yet they were sweet nonetheless.

I heard Edward's Volvo pull up outside, and grabbed my bag and hopped in. I was going to put on a brave face, I decided. Edward would be feeling shit about the whole thing, and me being a bitch to him wasn't going to help anything.

"By the way, you're coming over Casa del Cullen tonight. Esme's cooking you dinner." Oh. Okay.

"Any reason for this? Or is Esme trying to soften the blow of you guys leaving?" I smiled at him. Putting on a brave face and all that...

"Well...she feels guilty. Just come, please?" His tone was sweet, and I couldn't refuse Esme's meals...

I put on my best hero's smile, and nodded.

School was...school. It was pointless. If it wasn't for the fact that I needed to get into college, I wouldn't even consider turning up. Edward was a natural born genius, so of course, he enjoyed school, much to my bitterness.

At lunch, Edward made his announcement to our table.

"I have something to say to you all. I'm sure you'll find out soon enough, but...me and my family are leaving town." I turned and hid my face from the stares of the table. "We're moving to Seattle." Mike was the first to respond.

"Seattle? But...Edward. What about..." Again, the stares were heavy on my shoulders. Mike mumbled on. I couldn't hear anymore of this. Edward's fingers brushed against my cheek and I was secure.

...-...

Heaven was attacking my nostrils. Sitting in the Cullens' kitchen, it's hard not to feel at home. So many happy memories...

This table. It was where Edward and I baked cookies for the school fair. Double chocolate chip. We turned the kitchen into a chocolate-covered mess.

The state of the art oven. It was where Edward burnt his hand, attempting to cook me a birthday meal, and we ended up spending the evening in the emergency room.

Esme's honey soft voice woke me out of my stupor. "Here you go, sweetie." She stroked my hair and put a bowl of pesto pasta out in front of me. Edward sat next to me, and then Jasper opposite. Esme joined us carrying her bowl, and we started eating. I was disconnected from the food; the thought of not being able to sit down like this whenever I pleased was startling.

I chewed the pasta, not tasting it.

Carlisle returned home shortly after, directing a curt nod towards me. I looked away.

"Right, I'll walk you home, Bells." Edward held out his hand, waiting for me.

"Wait." I mumbled. I approached Esme, giving her a hug. I put all my worries, love and despair into it. She kissed my head in return.

I joined Edward, placing my hand in his.

…-…

The days ran on like water. I tried to grasp at them, to make them stay, but time took its course.

Before I time to prepare, it was the day. Friday.

I woke up earlier than usual. The Cullen's were leaving early, and I would be damned if I didn't see them off. Him off…

Charlie didn't say anything to me. I was grateful. I couldn't handle words. He was letting me stay off school for the day. Again, I was grateful.

I walked across the road, seeing the bright yellow moving van. I bit down on my lip.

_Be strong, be strong._ I chanted.

Edward was stood outside, waiting for me.

Again, he spoke the words I had heard so many times. There was a chilling familiarity about them.

"Let's take a walk." He spoke with meaning. I knew this wasn't our final goodbye; I would be up there every weekend, seeing his face. _Yet it felt so final._

I placed my hand in his. He squeezed.

We were under the old oak trees now, in the Cullen backyard. The leaves were threatening to fall, hanging on for dear life, as if scared of falling. The air was chilled. Fall was coming.

Edward stopped. He took my head in his hands, and placed his lips on mine. The kiss was strong, like diamonds, yet there was a fragility about it. A brokenness.

I fervently poured my soul into his lips, his soft embrace. He was my best friend. My savior. My constant companion. My everything. This wasn't a crush; I knew for a fact that our love would not go away. Like ivy on an old tower, Edward had grown with me. He completed me.

His arms wrapped around my waist. Pulling and pulling, closer. I could feel his heartbeat beneath his shirt, the blood pumping around his veins.

Breathless, he broke the kiss. "_This isn't the end._" He whispered onto my lips. "I love you, Isabella."

I hid my face in his shoulder. I let him go.

The sun retreated behind the clouds, and my happiness pulled away.

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**Thanks for reading! Please remember to click REVIEW and tell me your thoughts.**

**X**


	5. The Second Shot

_**Disclaimer - Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Last time I checked, I didn't own it.**_

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**A/N: Hello! I'm back with another chapter.  
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**Before you guys start, I want to say a HUGE thank you to my beta, lulu1709. I heart her so much. She really is great at what she does, and this chapter wouldn't be up to scratch if it wasn't for her. Thank you sweetie! **

**There may be a couple of technical errors in this - for one thing, I'm not from the US. In the UK, we spell some things differently, but I've done my best to change them. Another thing - I've had to alter some things to make this story fit...you'll see at the end ;)**

**One more thing - I was a tiny bit disheartened by the lack of reviews for the last chapter. Again, I've received lots of notifications telling me that people have put Half Lives on story alert, yet I've not heard from them. Either you're lost in cyberspace, or you haven't clicked that Review button yet! Let me hear from you - tell me your thoughts.**

**A huge THANK YOU to the lovely, faithful reviewers that continue to review, and ask me on twitter (CullenLove_x) when the next chapter will be up. You guys are great, and this chapter is for you.**

**Should I stop blabbering on now? I think so.**

**This chapter is set SIX YEARS in the future - the same time frame as the Prologue.**

**Love&Kisses, **

**-Luce **

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_Six years later_

Fuck this, and fuck this godforsaken town. I'm done. Completely, and utterly done.

It's been a month; a month since I broke it off with Jacob. I've stopped selling my soul. That at least, I can be proud of.

I'm healing. Time, slowly but surely, does heal all wounds. Yet, I'm not the same.

I'm cooped up inside on a Sunday afternoon; the rain shows no signs of stopping. My phone vibrates; Jacob Black is calling me. I reject the call and sit up. I've got a deadline for the paper. Apparently there have been some complaints. This is what Ben, the assistant editor, has been telling me. My poetry is _too fucking miserable. _So now I'm trying to pretend that I'm all rainbows and smiles.

I pull my laptop towards me and write out some shitty verses about the weather, the inevitable change of seasons, and of the need for change. Yes, of course, I should be the ambassador for change. What a joke.

I keep writing.

It's been an hour, and my head's throbbing. Standing up, I pull my hair into a messy ponytail, and I go to look for some artificial pain reliever; something strong.

As I slowly walk down the stairs, a white, official-looking, envelope catches my eye. I rip it open. It's from The Seattle Times.

_Dear Miss Swan,_

_We would like to congratulate you on being accepted to head the Seattle Times' poetry and prose column. You may not be aware, but we have had this opening for some time now. Your anonymous nomination came as an unexpected surprise, and we are happy to accept it.  
Your arrival in Seattle will be expected no later than 5pm on October the 3__rd__.  
We are looking forward to working with you._

_Sincerely,  
James Taylor and Phillip Dean,  
The Seattle Times._

Holy shit. This is the biggest fuck-up in history. An anonymous nomination... What the fuck is this?

Move to Seattle? Shit, no.

I'm not even sure I can manage to step out of the door, let alone journey happily to Seattle. I'm pretty sure that I've got some form of agoraphobia...Or maybe just a dislike of people in general.

Interrupting my stupor, Charlie bursts through the front door and spots me open-mouthed and wide-eyed, staring at a sheet of paper. He reads over my shoulder.

"Take it." He orders.

I look up at him in disbelief.

Charlie's face turns a slight shade of maroon. "If you don't take it, I'm kicking you out." Now his eyes do the popping.

Red shades over my vision. "_Kicking me out?_" My voice turns high-pitched.

"You need it. You need to start living!" He moves into the kitchen, grabs a beer and walks back to look at me.

He's pissing me off now, and he can tell. Charlie sees the opportunity, and takes it.

"_EDWARD'S NOT COMING BACK!" _Charlie bellows at me. White noise, and then...nothing.

I expected to feel pain; some reminder of my wound...yet there is nothing. I gasp, my chest constricting, as I run back to my sanctuary. Amidst the ringing in my ears, I can still hear Charlie pacing as I stare at the white-washed walls of my bedroom.

I know what I have to do... If I ever want to get over this, I have to stand up to the idea of pain. I need to remember him.

I think back. Six years ago, I was seventeen. Edward left for Seattle. He said he would always be there. He wasn't. Six years, and I heard nothing from him. Not a visit, not a phone call, not even a fucking email. In fact, he said he would call me as soon as he got to Seattle. Surprise, surprise. No fucking dice.

Each week that he neglected to call, visit, or email, I retracted further and further into myself. I became hollow. I forgot what love was...it still is an alien emotion to me. An emotion not worthy of having.

I searched through endless phone books, looking for any sign of the name 'Cullen'. No luck. Charlie mentioned that with Carlisle's involvement in politics, they were most likely unlisted. They were unreachable. I became less of a person, and more of a shell. I objectified myself, as the pain was too much.

I sighed. _Time heals all wounds. Time heals all wounds._ I told myself that if I chanted it enough, it would actually happen. We can all pretend.

Lying on my bed, I remembered it all; the smiles, the kisses, the happiness. Yet it didn't hurt. It didn't make me cry, crawl into a ball and clutch the hole in my chest. Rather, I was turned around, filled with determination. I missed my old life. I was _happy _then. I had friends. I had ambitions...something to live for.

I sat up, empowered by the memories of happiness.

I'm going to do it.

...-...

I've never seen so many brown cardboard boxes in my life. I didn't have that much stuff to bring; nothing sentimental, just the essentials. I managed to find a cheap studio apartment around the suburbs of Seattle. Charlie was the happy father, overjoyed to see his lowlife daughter moving out into the big bad world. Strangely enough, I was happy. Well, close enough. I was moving away from this oppressive town, and shedding all my emotional baggage.

Jacob, gone. All the memories, gone. I was going to be a new person. A new Bella. A new model. This is what I needed.

While Charlie was piling my stuff into my truck that I noticed something. I've never lived alone. I felt different...strange almost. It wasn't until I felt the dewy moisture trickle down my cheek that I realized I was _sad._ I was leaving Charlie to fend for himself. I know that we didn't exactly have the ideal father-daughter relationship, but we were happy together in our own twisted, argumentative way.

Charlie pulled me into a bear-hug. I felt the air leave me, yet it was comforting. I held onto him.

"Make sure you call me as soon as you get there. You...understand?" Charlie managed to choke out.

I smiled. Underneath it all, we were as normal as any other family. "Yeah, Dad. Don't you worry."

I hopped in the truck, rolling down the windows with some force. I pulled away. Charlie's figure grew smaller and smaller, and soon I left the town of Forks. I felt free. The air was beneath my wings, and I was simply ready to take flight.

The journey was short. It made the pain much more acute, as I realized how easy it would have been to see Edward.

_No._ Edward's name is taboo now. It's poison. It will damage any chance of recovery; any chance of happiness.

I soon pulled up to the apartment block. This would be my home now. I struggled carrying the boxes up to my fourth floor apartment, and all but collapsed as I unlocked the door. Thankfully, the apartment was half-decorated. The essentials were all there; an oven, a sofa, a fridge, and a suitable bathroom.

I smiled. I could make this place home; easily. It was small, yet the cream walls were cosy, and although the carpet had several questionable stains on it, I felt like I belonged.

A bang on the door made me jump. I looked through the peephole; no one. With confusion, I opened the door. A child? What the fuck? But then she looked up. A very petite girl, who looked about my age was staring up at me, with an amused look. She held out a basket full of...everything. Fruit, towels, wash stuff, wine...

"I'm Alice." She waved. "I live across the hall. I thought I'd come and welcome you to the building!" Her giddiness made a take a step back. She pushed the welcome basket into my hands, and made her way into the apartment.

"I...er..." I meant to kick her out, yet she was already opening the bottle of wine, and pouring the red liquid into my new wine glasses. She handed me a glass.

"So, I thought that I'd come welcome you. You are new and all. This building can be a bitch if you don't have a friendly face around. So that's why I'm here! Oh, I forgot, you know nothing about me..." It was almost as if she didn't need a breath. I found out that she worked in real estate, she was twenty two, she lived with her cat, and she was allergic to shell fish.

She looked up at me expectantly. I guess this conversation didn't work one-way...

"I'm..." I can't be Bella anymore... "Isabella. I work for the Seattle Times, and I've just moved here from Forks." I gave her the bare details. She didn't need to know the rest.

After two more glasses of wine, and a _lot_ of conversation later, I was warming to Alice. Yes, she was overbearing, but she was a welcomed distraction.

Alice went home at nine, and I was finally able to finish unpacking. If I was a normal twenty three year old, my apartment would be full of photos of friends, and sentiment. I had no photos and, not surprisingly, no friends. Still, as I looked around at the bare walls, I was happy just to have a place to myself.

I took a long bath in the small tub, and went to bed feeling new.

My sleep was completely undisturbed. No dreams plagued me. I woke up with a smile on my face. That smile was then diminished when I realized I had work today...I groaned.

I dressed in a black pencil skirt that hugged my hips, and a pinstriped blouse. I wore heels. This was me attempting to make an effort on my first day. Hell, I even put make-up on.

As I arrived at the Seattle Times offices, I looked, and felt like a different person.

I got settled into my own personal office, which overlooked the Seattle skyline. I was in actual employment heaven. My job was easy enough; I had to decide each week what would go into the creative writing section. I could read other people's poetry, rather than writing my own.

I'd spent half the day getting used to the computer system, and then I started reading through potential pieces to put in the paper. As I was scanning through a piece that caught my eye, a shadow was cast across my desk.

"Bella Swan." The voice was deep, and somewhat familiar. No..._It couldn't be..._

I looked up to a fairly short yet well-built man. His blond hair was shaven, and he had scruffy-looking stubble. His handsome face held a cheeky grin.

"James? James Taylor?" It was him. Jamie. The troublesome boy I knew back _then._

"The one and only, sugar. I'm the co-editor if you didn't notice." James winked. He walked around my desk, and pulled me up to stand in front of him. "Whoa, you've grown up." Animalistic in nature, he looked me up and down.

I playfully pushed him back. "I see you haven't changed much...still as annoying as ever." I remember thinking that James was alright, really. Edward never - Oh shit, not again - I meant _he_ never trusted Jamie. I pushed the memories out of my thoughts, and focused my attentions back to James.

"You bet, sweetie. So, what's it going to take for my new employee to eat lunch with me?" That darn smile was playing against his lips once again. I felt like rejecting him. Honestly, I would much rather eat alone; then the bitter side of my brain made her reappearance. _You've got no one else in this godforsaken city..._

Fair point.

"Sure. Where are you taking me? You'll have to introduce me to the best restaurants in town, you know I'm new here." I told him, as I followed him out of my office and towards the elevator.

The elevator pinged open and we stepped in, James hitting the ground floor button. "Just a little joint I know. It's relatively near." The air was turning awkward. Shit... _Make conversation, God damn it, Bella!_

"So why are you in Seattle?" I mentally chastised myself. _Plus ten for rudeness points, loser._ "I mean...When did you leave Forks?"

James took my hand, leading me towards his car. It was a bright red convertible.

"Hold that thought..." James motioned towards his car. "I want you to meet my baby. She's a Ferrari 599 Roadster. Not bad, huh?" No...Not bad at all.

"Wow. I need to get me one of those." James held the passenger door for me, and I just managed to fit in. I was surprised when James effortlessly hopped in the driver's seat; it was lucky he was short. Any taller, and it would look like he was driving a shoe box.

We sped out of the parking lot, and down the streets of Seattle.

"So, you wanna know my story, hmm?" James inclined his head towards mine, and then back to the road. I nodded. "Well, Forks was getting me down. I wanted to do something with my life, you know? So after I graduated, I took a couple of college courses in Journalism and Business, and met my associate, Phil, one night in a bar. He told me that there were some junior positions available. Of course, I jumped at the chance. I worked my way up, much to the help of Phil..." James' tone sounded amused almost. "Two years later and here I am."

I was shocked. Who would have thought that James, of all people, would have made something so big of himself? I felt myself being thrown back; my head hit the seat.

James was speeding, the road clear of all cars.

"_Jesus!_" I screamed, barely able to contain myself. "Slow the fuck down, James!" I felt the car slow, barely. He laughed.

"You've gotta learn to live a little, _Swan._" The seductive smile was back, and so, apparently, was my old nickname.

It was a knee-jerk reaction; I couldn't contain it. "Don't you fucking call me that, James." _Fuck. Why was I so angry?_

I took some calming breaths. James placed his hand on mine, which was currently clutched to the seat. His hand was limp and sweaty. Eurgh... I subtly moved my hand, pretending to have the need to itch my leg. I smiled hesitantly at him.

Lunch passed as a blur; James continued to be sickly sweet, an omnipresent flirt. I smiled sweetly, and tried to keep the conversation going.

Back in the safety of my office, I was harassed by members of my column asking my advice on several things. I told them 'Do whatever's best' and 'Yes, that's a great idea'. My commitment to the job was already faltering.

By the end of the day, I found myself flicking through last week's copy of the _Seattle Times._ I flicked the pages mindlessly, not really taking anything in.

I was scanning the advertisements page when I saw it.

Two people. One male, one female. The woman was blonde, and drop-dead, kick-you-in-the-ovaries gorgeous.

The advertisement took up half of the page, and in big, glossy letters –

'_CULLEN & HALE LAW FIRM'._

I then looked at the male. It couldn't be him. It just...couldn't. I prayed that my eyes would look upon a picture of a man that didn't bear any familiarities.

I was wrong.

He was gorgeous; even more gorgeous than before. Black suit, serious look, tight jaw line. _Holy fuck._

It was like my past was back to haunt me. Who was this mysterious woman, 'Hale'?

Without any hesitation, I ripped the advertisement out of the paper, took my bag, and ran.

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**End Note: For you clever readers who have noticed that it seems highly unlikely that Edward could be the owner of his own law firm in six years, please humour me - this is for the sake of the story! I'm not an expert in terms of things like, for example, the Seattle Times newspaper, so if you notice a mistake, PM me and I can correct it. Thank you!**

**Next update; I'm guessing two weeks. I start University this weekend, and so my starting week will be an alcohol-fuelled week of mayhem. Hardly a good platform to write Twilight fanfiction (although you never know!) ;) **

**Please remember to Review.**

**Laters!**


	6. We Meet Again

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. However, this plot is my own; so don't steal._**

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**A/N: Hey there. Pretty short author's note this time. Just a couple of things!**

**A huge thanks to lulu1709 - my lovely beta. She does such a great job. She also writes her own fic, Camel 9s and Black Lines. You NEED to check it out, this is some seriously good fanfiction. Here's the link www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6319689/1/Camel_9s_Black_Lines**

**Another thing - Thank you SO MUCH to the many people who have given recs for this story, and continue to review every chapter. You guys; seriously, I love you so much.**

**I reply to every review, so please, tell me what you think of this chapter.**

**CHAPTER SONG - A&E by Goldfrapp. **_No relevance really to this chapter - but Goldfrapp inspire me so much._

**Until next time!**

**-Luce xo**

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I would be lying if I said that I hadn't stared at that advertisement all night.

_Edward, I can__'__t take my eyes off you._

The Edward in the picture was serious, businesslike..._not my Edward. _However, he was undoubtedly the most gorgeous man I had ever seen. His tousled hair was pushed back and his green eyes were stabbing. There was no evidence of the crooked grin or the sparkle in his eyes. The old Edward was lost; grown up from his childhood crush.

I went to bed with a pressure between my brows; I was restless. Sleep evaded me, and green eyes tormented me.

The next morning, I had one bitch of a headache and a pimple. _Fucking great._

When I got to work, I had a sheets of paper scattered around my desk, and my in-tray was overflowing. Today was going to be a busy day. James came into my office mid-morning, in a different suit than yesterday.

"Hey, Swan." _You fucker...No, just hold it in Bella._ "Here, this is for you." He handed me a small, white envelope. I opened it slowly, looking up at James with curiosity. Inside was an invitation.

"A party?" I didn't mean to sound cynical, yet I was on bitter-bitch overdrive these days.

The invitation was to the Seattle Times Gala Fundraiser.

"It's an annual thing. All editors have to attend, and considering your official job title is editor of the Poetry and Prose column, you get to come to this very exclusive event," James winked. Yes, he actually winked. I honestly felt like slapping him; he thought he was so smooth...

I sighed. This would mean I'd have to dress up. "Fine. Yes, I'll come," I tried to smile at him, yet it came out as a grimace. "Do you mind? I kind of have a lot of things to do, as you can see." I tried my very best to be dismissive, hoping that he would catch on. No such luck...

"Oh, don't worry. I'm your boss; you can afford to talk to me for a bit." James sat down on the chair on the other side of my desk.

_Oh please, leave me alone._

"So..." He eyed me curiously. "You...do know that Edward pops in the office from time to time. Edward _Cullen_?" He emphasised.

Holy shit. What is he trying to hint? Does he know I'm still caught up with the Edward crap?

I decided to play the ignorance card. "Edward Cullen? Oh right. That's nice." _Jeez, I really need to improve my acting skills._

James shifted closer. "Well, I know how torn up you were when he left all those years ago. I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable."

I smiled. "Don't worry, that's not a problem now. Edward Cullen means nothing to me. No hard feelings." Shit – I was such a bad liar. Even just saying those words felt like a knife was turning in me from the inside out.

James seemed satisfied. He left me to do my work. As the door closed, I let out the breath I was holding. My head fell into my hands. Why on earth did I come to Seattle? This was a disaster waiting to happen. Edward would have forgotten me by now, obviously. He was probably too busy shacking up with 'Hale'. Stupid lawyer bitch.

Not that I'm jealous, or anything.

I cut my Edward thoughts short, and got back to working. Reading the poems definitely took my mind off of the whole situation, and by lunchtime, my mind was considerably settled. James thankfully didn't ask me out to lunch today, so I figured that I would go and have lunch in town somewhere.

I grabbed my handbag, and walked – unsteadily in my heels – to the elevator. It opened, and there was only one other person in it. She had brown hair, slightly lighter than my own, and wore a very chic pair of glasses. She seemed friendly enough.

As we got down to the ground floor, I stepped out. I heard a high voice behind me.

"Wait!" I turned around, and saw the girl run towards me. "I'm Kate. Sorry I didn't introduce myself earlier. I didn't know if you would have thought me a bit forward."

"Oh! You should have." I smiled at her, extending my hand. "I'm Isabella."

"It's nice to meet you. Hey, you wouldn't want to join me for lunch, would you?"

I nodded my head in agreement, and we walked briskly to a nearby cafe. Kate was really nice. One year older than me, she was shy, yet seemed genuine.

We talked easily. I turned out that she was James' secretary, a job that sounded extremely tedious.

"So, what's it like having to answer to James' every demand?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. I would have ran far away by now if I was Kate; the constant flirting attempts would have sickened me to such an extreme degree.

"Oh, you mean Mr. Taylor? Well, it's okay. I'm only doing it for the money. He's...easy enough to handle..." It felt as if Kate was holding something back. The air turned awkward. This wouldn't do...

"Kate, I know we've just met, but you can tell me whatever you want to. It's not as if I've got anyone to tell." I had already informed her of my friendless state.

Kate relaxed a bit, and took a sip of her expresso.

"Okay, but _please._ If this ever got out, I'd lose my job." I nodded. "It was last month. James had asked me to sort out the many job applications we were receiving. I ended up working late. I overheard a conversation that I shouldn't have." A crease formed between her brows. "I don't know who he was on the phone with, but he mentioned your name. He was shouting down the phone that he _'__had to have you__'_ or something. It was creepy. Anyway, he saw that I was still around, and he got angry – like _crazy_ angry. He tried to come on to me, but I pushed him off. The next day, he apologized, and gave me a raise. He's been nice ever since."

Silence followed.

I sat open-mouthed at her confession; my chicken salad remained untouched.

"Jesus, say something, Isabella!" She was looking at me expectantly.

I took a bite of my salad, and chewed slowly. I swallowed, and then started. "Sorry for freaking you out, Kate, but that...worries me. I didn't understand how I could have gotten the job. I didn't even apply for it. I thought my regional manager, Ben, submitted me, but it seemed unlikely. He was always complaining..." My head was buzzing. "Thanks for spilling, anyway. I won't say anything to anyone. I promise." I smiled at Kate.

We finished lunch, and left rather abruptly. Kate, after we arrived at the office, headed straight to her desk which was connected by a thin wooden section to James' office. I felt uneasy; seeing her go back to that office with that _bastard_ made my skin crawl.

I returned to my office, so thankful that it was private. I turned on my Blackberry; one message.

Jacob Black.

"_You__'__re in Seattle? Thanks for telling me. I miss you like crazy, even if you are an unstable bitch at the best of times. My love, Jake."_

Unstable bitch? How dare he! _He__'__s right, drama queen, you__'__re both of those things._ Okay. Fine.

I decided to text him back.

"_Jake, I__'__m sorry. I need this; please understand. I miss you too. You were my only friend back in Forks, so you must know why I__'__ve left. Bella x"_

I sighed. I did miss Jacob. Sure, he kissed me. I told him that he could never kiss me, yet he did. I just wanted to escape from the reality; Edward had left me, and Jacob was all I had. I see that now. I told myself that I needed to keep in contact with Jacob, and put my Blackberry back in my bag.

...-...

When I got home that night, Alice was waiting, propped up against the door.

"Um, hi. Do you usually wait outside your neighbor's door before they come home? I'm sure that's classified as stalking, Alice." I smiled at her, whilst unlocking the door.

"Izzie, I'm just being a friendly neighbor." She followed me inside the apartment.

"Izzie? That's a new one." I noted. I stuck a pre-prepared lasagne in the oven, and went to make two gin and tonics.

I filled the glasses half with the gin, and the rest with tonic. I needed a stiff drink.

I turned around, putting the glass down on the kitchen island, of which Alice was sitting on the stool on the other side. She took a sip, then grimaced.

"Shit, how strong did you make it? Trying to get me drunk, Isabella?" Her high-pitched laugh filled the room.

"After the day I've had, you're lucky that the glass isn't pure gin." I found myself laughing, too.

Me and Alice shared the lasagne, and sat down to watch a movie. She picked out _Top Gun _from my DVD collection. We talked about everything from Tom Cruise to Taylor Lautner.

"I don't know, Izzie. I don't get how you can't find Taylor's abs delicious." Alice was definitely showing early signs of being a cougar.

"Sorry, the fact that he's eighteen kind of puts me off, I think."

I got up to make us another round of G&T's, when I remembered the white envelope I had in my purse. I took it out and looked over it again. I didn't notice originally that there was a plus one attached to the invitation. James just so happened to not mention that part...

I brought Alice her gin, and gave her the plus one invitation.

"What's this?" She asked, reluctantly removing her eyes from Tom Cruise in a pilot's uniform.

"It's your invitation to the Seattle Times' Gala Fundraiser. It's a formal event, and you're coming with me."

"AHH!" Shit, and I'm deaf.

"Thanks Alice, I think you've burst my eardrums." She wrapped her tiny arms around my neck.

"Thanks Izzie! You don't understand how excited I am! I never go to formal events! Oh my...I'm going to have to buy a new dress, and get my hair done, and of course, I'm going to need a manicure, I mean...What if there's hot guys there? I have to look my best of course..."

Alice didn't stop speaking about the darn fundraiser for the rest of the night; I was starting to regret inviting her. At 11 o'clock, and halfway into _The Proposal_, I jumped up, complaining of a faux-headache. Alice got the hint.

"Ohhh, sorry Iz. I've been sitting here blabbing all night long! I better go. Although..." Alice was getting distracted again.

"Al. I better just go to bed." I walked her to the door. "Goodnight. I'll see you on Friday night for the fundraiser?" She grinned, and stepped outside. I closed the door before Alice could get another word out. I locked the door, and jumped into bed.

Alice was a real sweetheart, and the closest thing I could call a friend, but _fuck. _She was a lot to handle.

I closed my eyes, and with a smile, I realized that I was becoming quite comfortable here in the Emerald City.

...-...

_I felt like I was being watched. I was in a big city; streets were winding. I ran down one street. Dead end. I saw the figure approach me._

"Bella?" _Oh, leave me alone..._ "BELLA!"

Shit. I look up to the amused eyes of James.

"Feeling a bit sleepy, Bell?" He smirked.

I groaned. Oh jeez, this cannot be happening to me. Falling asleep at work is just plain embarrassing.

"Oh, I was just...resting my eyes. Sorry, I'll get back to work."

James laughed, and walked out. I felt uneasy and strangely worried. I got back to work, trying to figure out what I was worried about.

I sorted through all the entries that were fresh on my desk today, and wrote replies to those people who had emailed me. Only then did I realize what I was worried about.

How long had James been watching me sleep? Maybe that could explain the weird dream. I began to feel utterly repulsed. He was a sneaky bastard. I bet Kate wasn't the first person he had harassed.

Thank god it was Friday... A whole weekend off. I then groaned when I realized that tonight was the night of the fundraiser.

Yesterday, after work, Alice and I went shopping for dresses. We met up with Kate, who was also attending the fundraiser. Alice and Kate hit it off straight away, and I already was feeling like I belonged in Seattle.

Kate and Alice persuaded me to buy a cream, one-shouldered dress from a small boutique. It looked gorgeous on the hanger, and so I was utterly surprised that it looked good on me.

I was excited to actually _do_ something for once; to dance, to dress up... Yet I was also dreading the fact that James and I would be in the same room for a whole night. I made Kate and Alice swear not to leave my side for anything.

Putting on my dress that night was something similar to heaven. It emphasised all my curves in the correct places. Alice came by to put on my make-up for me. I looked like a different person. This person was confident, sophisticated...sexy. This wasn't Bella; this was Isabella.

I smiled at myself in the mirror before spraying on some perfume and heading out the door. Alice met me downstairs in the taxi.

"Wow, Alice. You look amazing..." She was wearing a black strapless number that made her look incredible.

"You're one to talk. You look like Angelina Jolie or something." She laughed, and I scoffed.

"Yeah, Alice. Okay. Are you drunk?" I looked at her skeptically. She poked me in the ribs, and we drove off to the gala.

The event was held at this old building; it had a great ballroom, which was now host to hundreds of tables and a dance floor.

The ballroom took my breath away. Gold leaf adorned the sculptures that were part of the walls; cherubs and angels. I admired the splendor, ignoring the fact that I was supposed to be 'mingling', as Alice called it.

Suddenly, my admirations were interrupted. Something was pressed up against my back; it was warm against my skin. I turned around quickly.

"James!" I gasped, stepping back. "What the..." He put a finger on my lips. I pushed him off with force. "What are you doing?" I whispered.

"Ssh." He silenced me. "I was just...making my presence known to you." He grinned, and then winked. That fucking wink...

I stalked off, determined to find Alice and Kate. Eventually, after exiting the hall and walking down the corridor in order to escape James, I came to a darkened room.

Inside was a pool table and many bookshelves. I knew that Alice and Kate were unlikely to come in here, but my curiosity was peaked. I turned on the light switch, which lit up the glass chandelier above me, and stepped towards the bookshelves. They were full of old encyclopedias, and dictionaries. After a few minutes of exploration, I decided to brave the wrath of James, and maybe find Alice and Kate in the process.

I turned quickly, seeing a black figure in the doorway, looking at me in the room.

Bronze hair, black tux, and a piercing stare.

"Hello, Bella."

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**Hello there Edward!**

**What did you guys think? Let me know.**

**I know I said this chapter wouldn't be up for at least two weeks, but I worked so hard to get this chapter done.**

**Next chapter...probably in two weeks - I mean it this time ;) **

**X**


	7. Done All Wrong

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does.**

**A/N: **Hello there everyone. Yes, I know I suck. I haven't updated in 3 months. One thing: I'M SORRY. I do have a pretty valid excuse however; University has been draining, and updating regularly may not be possible.

I'm on Christmas break now, so I will try to get out as many chapters as possible.

A huge big _thank you_ to my wonderfully amazing beta, lulu1709. She's perfect, and this story wouldn't be up to scratch without her.

Edward & Bella confront each other in this chapter. Buckle up your seatbelts folks, it'll be a long ride ;)

Oh, and I wanted this chapter to be up before Christmas. A gift to you readers, so to speak!

Enjoy.

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Last time in Chapter 6:

_I stalked off, determined to find Alice and Kate. Eventually, after exiting the hall and walking down the corridor in order to escape James, I came to a darkened room._

_Inside was a pool table and many bookshelves. I knew that Alice and Kate were unlikely to come in here, but my curiosity was peaked. I turned on the light switch, which lit up the glass chandelier above me, and stepped towards the bookshelves. They were full of old encyclopedias, and dictionaries. After a few minutes of exploration, I decided to brave the wrath of James, and maybe find Alice and Kate in the process._

_I turned quickly, seeing a black figure in the doorway, looking at me in the room._

_Bronze hair, black tux, and a piercing stare._

_"Hello, Bella."_

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_**"Forgiveness means letting go of the past."**_

**-Gerald Jampolsky**

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My breathing quickened. I was entering a dream-world, my ears ringing in the back of my head somewhere.

_He_ walked closer.

Each step was a sacrifice.

Each step pounded on my heart.

"Bella..." Edward mumbled as his eyes attempted to search for mine. I averted his gaze as I backed up towards the bookcases, feeling behind me until I hit the wood. He stepped closer, taunting me.

My breath was caught in my throat. Only then did I look into his eyes.

Pain, fear, anguish.

His green eyes connected with mine; a foreign world. He was not the same. Altered...different somehow. I wanted to get out. His eyes held me, and I felt sick.

"_Just...I've gotta go." _I whispered. My head was screaming at me to get out. Get out of this room, and get out of this situation.

I moved around the pool table, making for the door; my getaway. He blocked my exit, his bronze hair falling into his face.

"Don't do this. Please don't act like you don't know who I am." What the fuck? This was making no sense at all. He was actually insinuating that I was ignoring _him?_

"Edward." I took a deep breath, feeling the tears beginning to form behind my lashes. "I _don't_ know who you are."

I pushed past him, leaving him standing alone in the room. I made my way back to the grand hall, hoping to find Alice and tell her that I was leaving. That I had to.

The hall was packed full; people smiling, people laughing. I bit back a sob. I had to get out of here. _Screw Alice..._

Running out of the doors and down the steps, I called for a taxi. The fresh air was cooling against my hot tears. As I headed home, the only sound heard in the taxi was the radio and my relentless sobs.

As I slept that night, those same green eyes haunted me. They were pained and empty. Edward's hollow gaze made _me_ feel hollow. I couldn't grasp him; he made me feel worthless.

Then, we were in that room again, the books around us telling our story. We had never been apart. We were happy. Edward bending me over the pool table, his breath hot against my neck, as he positioned the cue in my hand against the white ball. Drawing the cue back, he drove it forward, pressing his lips to the hollow underneath my ear. He chuckled, low and throaty, as the ball collided with another, sending it into the pocket. He spun me around, pinning me upright against the table; Kissing my neck, touching my hips, sliding my dress up...

My eyes shot open. I was alone and in the dark, not in that God damn room…and not with _him_. Tears leaked onto my pillow; I was back in that place... back in that half life. A place I dreaded.

..-..

"I didn't see you around much at the gala, Swan." James' sickening figure leered over me. I stared up at him, not hiding my disgust. He always did this – burst into my office and call me that God damn idiotic nickname.

"I felt sick." I stated bluntly. I continued to highlight the document I was looking over, ignoring his smirk.

"Oh, really?" He chuckled. "Just because...I happened to see a certain _somebody_ at the gala on Friday..." I knew what the cheeky bastard was insinuating. What a fucking...

"And who would that be James? Because, you know, I've got all these drafts to read over, and you're disturbing me at this moment in time." I pointed at the large pile in front of me. James scoffed, and left the room.

I sighed, feeling relieved. James was a pain in the ass. I had thankfully cleared my head of Edward during the weekend, and had told myself that today was going to be a new start for me. Well, _another_ new start.

I worked, and worked. The drafts cleared my thoughts. I found some gems within the pile; some that really had potential. Poems that shouldn't be published in the _Seattle Times_ of all things, but published as works of their own accord. It angered me almost that these poems were never going to get any recognition; their beauty as disposable as the paper itself.

The day ended as abruptly as it started. I drove back to the apartment, only to find Alice waiting outside for me _again_.

"What is it this time, Alice?" I sighed, unlocking my front door and stepping in. She followed me, of course.

"Well..." She seemed apprehensive. "I met this guy at the gala on Friday..."

I stopped in my tracks, turning around to look at her.

"Did you sleep with him?" I giggled at her, poking her in the ribs.

"No, Isabella..." She shook her head, in a disapproving manner.

I took a bottle of wine out of the fridge and poured two glasses. She sat down on a stool.

"It's just that...He's invited me to this party that he's hosting." She seemed to be biting back what she had to say.

I sighed. "Just spit it out, Ally."

"Fine. Come with me, please?" She caught my eyes, working that stupid sick puppy look that she could master.

"No!"

"Bella, it's a _party_. He told me to bring a friend. Come on...he could hook you up with a guy?" Alice winked at me. "Come on! You could bag yourself a date. Or you know, just a one night thing..." Dear God, she was unforgivable.

"Ha, yeah right, Alice, but fine. Okay. I'll come." I was going to regret this, I could tell.

"Good! This will be fun." She headed towards the door. "Oh, and by the way, it's tomorrow night. See you later!"

I growled as the door slammed in front of me.

...-...

Alice's car pulled up to this grand house, just outside of town. She said that her mystery guy was called Jay, and that he was training to become a Child Psychologist. He sounded like a catch to be honest, and the prospect of his probably-good-looking, upper-middle class friends sounded appealing.

"Alice, stop fidgeting!" I murmured, as she attempted to comb through her hair one more time. We were walking up the long drive way, which honestly, was pretty intimidating.

I rang the doorbell as Alice continued to fidget and pull at her clothes. I batted her hands away, and pulled them to her sides just as the door opened in front of me.

"Holy shit. Bella?" That voice was fucking familiar. No...

I looked up. A warm smile greeted me, pulling me into a tight hug.

"Hello, Jasper. It's been a while." I whispered, loud enough for only him to hear.

...-...

I was outside on the decking area. The large garden was spread out in front of me; people were lounging under a large marquee, drinking expensive wine and eating canapés. The view practically glittered with money; people who had money, and weren't't afraid to show it.

It wasn't a crowd I expected Jasper to hold parties for.

Jasper was talking to Alice in deep conversation. I could see it; those two happening was definitely on the agenda. I just wanted out of it.

Jasper was still a Cullen. He was one of _them,_ and shared blood with _him._

Earlier, Jasper took me aside. My stomach turned as I remembered his pitying gaze.

"_Bell, don't be angry with Edward. What happened was beyond his control. You don't understand." We were alone in the room, and I could still remember my anger at that moment._

"_He left me, Jasper. He promised he never would. Do you even realize what heavy shit I've gone through? I don't mean to sound like a self-pitying bitch or anything, but I wish Edward had never entered my life. I wouldn't't be this fucked up right now if it wasn't for him." I was shaking, my nerves getting the better of me._

_Jasper placed a hand on my shoulder. _

"_Bella, I know. I know, okay? It was hard for him, too. Yet, you don't understand. So don't blame him." My anger peaked._

"_It was hard for him, too? Oh please. If it was so hard, why has he ignored me all this time? Six years, Jazz. Six." Tears pooled in my eyes. My tear ducts were seriously on overdrive this week..._

"_I'm here, Bella; but you'll see. Just talk to him about it and you'll see." _

I looked over at Jasper and Alice, smiling at them. Jasper caught my eye, and smiled back. I really couldn't stay angry at him. It wasn't his fault after all.

Alice was shocked to find out that Jasper already knew me. Thankfully, Jasper didn't relay the past to her. She didn't need to know.

I looked at my watch; it was nearing 9:30pm. Frankly, I was tired – too much shit had gone down tonight. No 'hot intellectual guys' were at this party, as Alice had promised. More like balding, married Psychologists.

"Bella, do you want another glass of wine?" Jasper interrupted my stupor. I nodded; alcohol seemed like the perfect remedy right now. Alice had accompanied him, and I was sitting alone on the deck, watching the gathering of people on the grass eating fondue.

"Bella."

Another voice; pure velvet. I knew that voice. _Please, this can't be real..._

I looked to my left. Sure enough, Edward was there. No black suit this time; a smart shirt and black trousers.

I took a deep breath, his steady eyes watching me.

"Hello Edward." I wanted to face my fear. I _needed _to. He looked uneasy. Slowly, his hand extended out towards me.

"Come talk with me?" He smiled, and my heart tugged. I stood up, ignoring his outstretched hand. He looked at me for a second, then turned around and walked back through the house.

I followed.

I passed the kitchen, in which Alice and Jasper had obviously forgotten the wine and were deep in conversation once more. Edward led me across the large house, into what looked like an office. I felt queasy; being trapped in a room with Edward was both the thing I wanted most and also the thing I wanted least.

He sat down on a large sofa, patting the seat next to him. The room was homely; paneled wood made it seem much older than the rest of the house. I sighed trying to steady myself and sat down next to him.

As far away as I could. The distance was still a torture.

"I'm sorry. For everything...I mean..." One hand raked through his hair. "Shit, Bella. You have good reason to hate me right now. Leaving you was the worst mistake I have ever made." My eyes met his green ones. I felt sick to my stomach. Six years, and all he could manage to say was _"I'm sorry"_?

Fuck that.

"Hate you? Edward, please." I scoffed, scornfully. "I don't hate you. I am completely indifferent. All the shit you've put me through? I'm practically numb right now. Please, you can go back to your perfect life, and I'll go back to mine." I sat up. I'd had enough.

Edward grabbed my hand; it was cold and heavenly. _No._ I had to get out of here. I pulled my hand out of his grasp.

"Bella, please. Can we just start over?" He pleaded. I was in control now, the feeling was empowering.

I turned towards him; he was still sitting down looking up at me.

"Edward, I think we're passed that. Too much has happened. I'm not...right anymore. I don't work right. I'll never be able to work right." I was shaking my head, trying to get around what he was saying to me.

He sighed, looking away from me. "I guess you're right. I don't even deserve to know you, do I? I'm a monster for what I did to you."

His body shuddered. I felt pity, and then the anger returned.

"Why did you leave?" My words burst out. "I mean, six years! And nothing! Did you think that little of me that you couldn't have simply called me? Was it that easy to just ignore what we had?" I was crying now. This tear duct malfunction was really not doing me any good...

Edward stood up, inches away from my face. He still towered over me.

"Bella, I..." He was holding something back, I knew it. "I don't want to burden you with my shit, okay? Please, just leave it at that." He turned towards the door. He was getting away from me again.

"No, Edward. You don't think I deserve to know? I'm getting over it. Now. You can't do me anymore damage. You may as well just say it."

He stopped, looking back at me. Jesus, he was gorgeous. His face had matured, and he had a thin layer of stubble, his hair a bronze mess.

He laughed looking in my eyes. I was in the middle of the room, paralyzed by him.

"I'm so fucked up, Bella. It would scare you, if you knew. I can't do that to you."

With that, he strode out of the office, leaving me alone.

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**A/N:** What did you all think?

Let me know - _Review_.

Next chapter, after Christmas.

Have a good Christmas, all my lovely readers!

-Luce x


	8. Dominoes

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do however, own the plot of this story. **

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**A/N: Hey guys! I'm back. Sorry for the delay! What can I say, real life is busy. However, this chapter, though it's not long, has some crucial bits in it, and you find out some of the juicy deets you wanted to find out about Edward.**

**This chapter is un-beta'd. My current beta, lulu1709 is having personal issues, and so wasn't able to beta this chapter. I've looked over it again and again, so there shouldn't be any mistakes, but sorry if there is! Obviously lulu would have spotted them - she's brilliant. **

**I'm going to hold back my ranting until the end!**

**Enjoy!**

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"_Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove. Oh no! It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken."_

- Marianne, Sense and Sensibility, _JANE AUSTEN_

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**CHAPTER 8: DOMINOES**

"Miss Swan, I want all drafts checked and decided upon by 4pm today. You are to have them on my desk by 3:55pm, and I want no delays. Is that understood?" James glared down at me, his jaw set and his eyes wild.

Jeez, what's stuck up his ass today? I let out a sigh as he stomped out of the room, the door banging shut behind him. I looked at my watch; 12pm on the dot. Looks like lunch was out of the question today...

It got to 2:30pm when a dull ache in my head distracted me. _I'm going to kill that fucker... _I wasn't sure what this dictator phase was about, but I was sure that it was a reaction to something I had done. Surely he cannot switch personalities that quickly, and I was pretty sure he wasn't schizophrenic.

A buzzing interrupted my wandering thoughts; a text from Alice.

"_Iz! Make sure you're free for dinner tonight! – A"_

I growled. If this was a blind date attempt, I was going to kill Alice. I ignored her text, hoping that she'd take my silence as a dismissal.

...-...

4pm had come and went, as did James' mercurial mood. When I dropped off the drafts, he was wearing a Cheshire-cat smile, and he looked relaxed. For that I was thankful for. There was something about James that made me uneasy constantly, but seeing him looking torturous was a different matter altogether.

I collected my bag and coat, and took the lift down to the parking lot. My truck was typically the one at the furthest end; a result of being late all the time. I walked towards the far end – the lot was completely deserted, or that's what I had initially thought...

A cloud of grey smoke rose from the corner where my truck was parked. I could see it perfectly under the harsh white light, even though I was halfway across from it. It weaved its way upwards, and clung to the air. _What the fuck?_ My first thoughts went to my truck. I ran through the lot, cursing as I nearly tumbled over. It only occurred to me that my truck being set on fire would have produced far more smoke, when I saw it. Him.

He was leaning against my truck, his white shirt loosened at the collar, and his black suit jacket lying on the hood. A cigarette was lazily hanging out of his mouth, and his face was adorned with a thin layer of stubble. I stopped, confused at first, and then it hit me.

Was I dreaming this? Had my state of mind just imploded, knocking me out, and forcing this mirage on me? My sub-conscious was screaming _Yes, you psycho bitch!_

I would have believed her – that was until Edward spoke.

"You still have this piece of junk?" He said, a crooked smile creeping upwards.

My mouth popped open. I was just staring at him now, how rude! The sensible side of my brain told me to get in my truck, and drive off. Damn it, even run him over if he got in the way! I couldn't do that, however. Not when he was actually making a joke, making the air light between us. For that moment, I didn't want answers, I just wanted Edward.

My mouth was dry when I answered him back. "I saw no reason to get another car. My truck is kind of my thing, you know." I smiled at him; an actual smile, not a pathetic half-grin half-grimace that I had been perfecting for six years.

He threw his cigarette on the floor, and stepped on the embers with his shiny shoes. The air turned quiet. He was still leaning against the front of my truck, and I was still standing two feet away from him. I studied his face. That pained expression was back again. I hated it.

Edward turned his gaze from me, to the ground. He appeared to find his stubbed cigarette extraordinarily interesting...

"I shouldn't have come here, like this." It was barely a whisper.

I took a step forward, wanting to comfort the tortured voice. The tortured soul behind it...

"It's okay. I'm sorry about how I acted at the weekend. That was...selfish, I guess." I shrugged. I wasn't angry with him. He looked so damaged, so innocent. I felt like I was the guilty one in all this mess.

He looked up at me once more. Those gorgeous green eyes tightened.

"You've changed, Bella." That smile was back again, but it didn't reach his eyes. No – those eyes were frozen.

I didn't know how to respond. I've _changed?_ Of course I had! Without another word, he took his jacket, and walked out of the parking lot, leaving me standing staring at his retreating figure.

...-...

I arrived back at my apartment 15 minutes later. My head was reeling. My bitter subconscious screamed at me; _how dare he come see us like this! We should be plotting his death, not conversing with him!_

I shook my head. My head was right, of course...but my heart? Oh, how clichéd. If only it was that simple.

I had just fallen back onto the couch with my arm covering my eyes, when I heard a knock on the door. Without moving, I shouted at Alice to come in.

"You know Alice, this is slightly unnerving. How on earth do you know what time I come home from work? Have you been stalking me? If so, you may want to inform Jasper before he gets his hopes up on you two becoming a couple." I laughed, sitting up.

Alice stood looking down on me, with her hands on her hips. Oh fuck, she meant business.

"Why didn't you reply to my text? If you think I'll take the lack of reply as a 'no', you are very wrong, my friend." Her voice kept rising in pitch... "Oh, and the reason I know what time you come home from work is because I actually _pay attention_ to other people's lives! You're coming with me." She was shooting daggers at me.

I gulped. "I'm...sorry?" It was all I could force out before Alice burst out laughing.

"Come on, you fool. I'll do your make-up for tonight!" She took my hand, pulling me out of my apartment and across the hall to hers.

Oh shit, what on earth was 'tonight'?

"Alice, where the fuck are you taking me?" I pulled against her grip as she led me over to her vanity table.

"Dinner with Jasper."

...-...

I was sitting in a small, family-run Italian restaurant, with two pairs of eyes on me.

"Well, Bella?" Jasper asked me. I had no clue what he was going on about, making me look like a complete dumbass.

"I...er..." _Shit, what was he talking about? _"Sorry Jasper, long day at work." I replied with a smile. He simply nodded, smiling back at me with a one hundred watt smile.

It turned out that they were talking about 'the past'. I only found this out when Jasper was telling Alice about our tree-climbing phase, resulting in a broken arm for me...

I needed to change the subject, quickly. "Oh, you know Jasper, let's not go into that stuff..." I mumbled. Alice squealed in response.

"No, Bella! I want to hear all about you and Jasper!" She placed a hand on Jasper's arm. "Jay tells me you used to be quite close with his brother?" I felt the blood drain from my face, my lips punching into a fine line. _Why..._ I don't know why I expected tonight to just fly by without any mention of Edward...

I shifted nervously. Jasper caught my gaze, looking apologetic.

"Yeah, I guess you could say we _were_ close..." I didn't mean to say it with implications, but it surely came out like that. Alice replied with ten dozen questions.

"_Did you used to date?" _Yes.

"_How long for?" _Two years, but we were friends for much longer.

"_Why did you break up?" _He left, he broke my heart.

"_Did you speak to him at Jasper's party?" _Yes, he made me think I was psychologically deranged and again, he broke my heart.

"_He's very attractive! Do you not agree?" _Yes, I agree, he makes me salivate.

"_Are there any feelings still there?" _There are so many feelings there, I'm practically combusting right now.

Of course, my mouth remained shut for all the questions. I merely shrugged my shoulders, and drank my despair in wine. I tried looking indifferent, perhaps it wasn't working...

Dinner eventually finished, followed by seven more questions by Alice, and Jasper drove us back to our apartment block. I invited both of them in, even though my better judgement forbade it...

"This is a nice place you've got here, Bells!" Jasper was walking around my pokey flat, most likely complimenting me to make up for the atrocity that was dinner.

"Thanks." I smiled. I had opened another bottle of rosé, hoping to chase that light-headed feeling. Hell, I needed it.

"I'm just going to use your bathroom, Izzy." Alice ran off, leaving me alone with Jasper. Now isn't this familiar...

The mood shifted, turning awkward. I sat down on the sofa, and patted Jasper to sit down next to me. Things couldn't turn awkward between Jasper and I. Yes, he left me too, but in a different way than Edward did. Hell, he was still my friend! Wasn't he?

I felt the cushions sink next to me, and I turned to look at him.

I took a gulp of air. "Jasper, I saw Edward today." I didn't want to bring this up. I really didn't. "He was waiting for me after work." Why was my voice wavering?

I watched as his eyes narrowed to the floor. "I know, he told me. I don't know why he did that. Maybe he still has feelings for you."

"What? That's ridiculous. He left _me._ Please tell me why, Jazz. I need to know, I need to let everything settle now. Do you not think you owe me that?" I was pleading with him. He looked in my eyes. Sadness. _That_ surprised me. Jasper, the omnipresent ray of sunshine that I used to think could never have a bad day, was pained, right in front of me.

"Okay." A soft whisper, his lip quivered. "It was almost as soon as we got here, in Seattle, after we left Forks. An argument, we were in the car. Between Edward and my Dad." He raked a hand through his blond curls. "Dad lost control for _one second_. Just one."

Jasper stopped. Anxiety hit me – what had happened that was so bad that it hurt the Cullen family that much?

"There was nothing we could do! Mom was...Damn it, she was getting so upset. She was crying, she kept saying that we should never have left. Edward, his poor heart was crushed. He loved you so much. Dad was just...ambitious. It was dark, and we were minutes away from our new place. We were all so wrapped up in that argument that none of us saw what was coming. None of us! Not even Dad, and he was driving, for fucks sake.

Then we heard a deafening sound, and for me, everything went black. I woke up in the hospital with a drip, and Edward leaning over my bed. My Dad wasn't there, my Mom wasn't there... He was crying, black rings around his eyes. I didn't even need to ask. He just said "Sorry" and broke down again."

Silence. Jasper stopped...

"Bella, Edward never spoke to you because he can barely stand himself. Our mom is dead, and Edward...Jeez..." Tears were pooling in his eyes. "Shit, Edward blames no one but himself. He's been torturing himself for six fucking years."

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A/N: ...

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-Luce


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